23rd September 2013

Wow, I just realized I'm no longer a blogger anymore
Guess what?
I just don't think that posting here and keep updating my feelings and thoughts is a really good idea
For my best interest or even to others
Guess making them not related to my life is pretty much better for everyone
I mean, why still grabbing people's interest on seeing how pathetic how lonely how helpless you are?
Nobody going to care anyway
You should be appreciate for those who didn't really "kill" you when you vulnerable
I think I can really count on that

So, what's up for today?
Honestly, my phone rang with reminder "Anniversary"
Wow, honestly, this word had been long gone since almost 5 months ago
Anniversary?
Nah, seems to be a pretty far and meaningless to a single person
Guess, I already knew we not going to celebrate this coming Anniversary since we started our fight
I knew if he didn't change, we not going to go anywhere
And I guess, I just being unfair for not telling anybody
I guess, if I did, things would be much different now

But who cares?
So, this year, no anniversary, no any expectations, thus no heartbroken, no dissappointment
Nothing
Well, think it as a bright way, it's not really a bad thing
Since, my health conditions is pretty much can't let me got tooo emotional am I?

Well, besides Anniversary, I guess there are other occasion
Honestly, I don't really recall which day is it
But I guess it's around this date cause we used to fight over this matter
Pretty funny actually, when people fight with you, only you remember
Our first date out
I guess I can claim that it's our first date out
Pretty memorable yet deadly
But let's stop talking about this issue shall we?
Promised gonna locked it forever right?
*Scout honour*

But something strange happened to me last night
I dreamt about you
Well, it's not really a bad or a good dream
I can't really define it
I dreamt about you  and surprisingly I almost forgotten how you looks in the dream when I woke up
But you said something t me, "I want you to stay out of my life"
Hmmmmm, fair enough
I used to ask you stay away of my life, find someone better than me
And you did, so fair enough

You know, due to some reasons, it had been long I wish to see you in my dream
But after all these years, my wish never come true
Now, after you left, seriously, you showed up in my dream
Seriously, this is really a bad time for you to show up actually
First time, you showed up to tell me you had girlfriend
Well, glad to know and thanks for the heads up
And surprisingly, you started your relationship officially with her
I can't say that I don't believe in spiritual world
Yet, it's just.... pretty much hard to NOT to believe it
And today this?
Well, I guess I've decided to stay out of your life

You, me, Him, three of us destroying each other pretty much serious in these 2 years
Of course, I'm the one who should be blamed with
But I guess if I left things will be better
Things always better when I'm not there
Guess, I am a chaos since the day I was born
Honestly, I've decided from the day we last met
I can't stand anywhere closer with you
You reminds me of everything we used to had
The connections, the mindsets, the feelings everything
From the day I knew you were coming back, I was starting to act strangely
I kept shutting myself up, not letting others close to me, know what am I thinking
Guesss, these are the side-effects
You decided to choose her over me
The cycle is the same, you choose me over other girls 2 years ago
And you got deeper and deeper
Who able to say that you still have feelings for me?
Half year relationship, an official one is not a joke
It's fair enough on your request

But, don't worry
I guess, I would better be prepared myself
HE is going to leave MMU and I'm not going to see him again
Pretty much not a bad idea anyway
Keep my mind out of him, reminding 3 years our memories
And, YEAH RIGHT
You will be in the same class as me
I don't quite sure whether what I want, to be same class with you or not
Well, I don't want to think about it
I just don't want to purposely think of it
I'll just let the GOD decide
If I'm destined to face him, so be it, I'll just have to stay tough
If I'm destined to stay out of his life, well, it suppose to be this way, cause I want him to be happy since I kinda tortured him pretty badly all these years

So, 23rd September 2013
I'm not alone
I'm with my family and tonight I have dates with my friends
Old friends, after 4 years not seeing each other
It's really time to catch up some missing stories


Girl, stay strong, be tough
Half year gone
You been through almost the worst and the darkest time
Nobody you trusted was there for you, NONE
Everyone claim that it's for your best, for your sake or even claimed is your fault
And you been through all these
Take a long break off, cleanse your mind
Keep all the past away
People had moved on, no matter how hurt it is, endure the pain, endure everything and move on
You know it from the beginning when you decided not to keep either one
You regretted the decisions but it's nothing to think about it
Just stay strong, don't forget your long-lost smile
From the bottom your heart or even you fake it, NEVER forget your smile
Fight the illness, fight the heartbroken, fight the barriers
Then you can be a really independent and strong girl