01.06.2013

First day of June
Should be something new
I mean I'm expecting some beginning

I've had stop drinking and eating after dinner for the blood test preparation
And when I woke up this morning for the test
I just realized it was Public Holiday
So, I have to wait 2 days to get tested if I do it today
It will be not accurate
So, I guess I have to wait for 2 more weeks

Then I went to see Chinese doctor as well
Just get things done all in one
After checking my pulse
I mean the only words the doctor said to me
"Gloomy"
All the chest and heart pain, all the back pain, all the headache and stomachache cause of it
I mean, I'm really wordless
Even many of them said is all because of my emotional
I really don't think this can lead so so serious matter
I mean, is it really?

Doctor said it's pretty impossible for someone like my age to get heart attack
Well, that's true
But I need to get a Western medical checkup
Great, I'm gonna be broke
He gave me some medicine and well, I have to quit ice, fried etc stuff

On the way back home was with the road he fetched me that day
Well, guess it's the same road
I tried not to think about it
Cause it will going to make things worst
Besides, why I'm still thinking anyway

Then whole day was drama, drama, drama
Report half way and I'm too lazy to continue
Trying to online but the stupid TM cut the line
It's not really our fault
They didn't send the bill last month
And we received it today
They asked us to clear by 3rd of June
It's not our fault
I can only online using my mobile data which reaching the limits
It's pretty much boring actually

So I ended up cleaning my room
When I was cleaning, I accidentally knocked my Guan Yin
And great, it broke at the head
My heart stopped and I was shaking
I know something bad is going to happen
SHE is my protection
I called my mum and my mum went quiet when she heard that
She asked me to get myself into temple and pray
And during night
My dad is worried
I guess he know how SHE calms me all the time
He wanted to post me a new one as soon as possible
And I think he is pretty much worry
He keep checking on me like every night after I came back here
I'm sorry daddy

Waiting Ray for dinner
But he kept delaying until 8.30pm
At first there are a lot of people
Shenn, Xiao Wen, Ray, Boon Sheng, Karen, Tony, Kah Hoe, Me
But end up Ray, Boon Sheng, Karen, Tony, Kah Hoe, Me dinner together

During the dinner, we were talking about a guy
And like serious, seriously, I'm pretty much afraid when they said A GUY is stalking me
I'm pretty much afraid
I mean, if I didn't something wrong or say something to him
I'm so worried that is either me or him is going to have bad things happen
Jezzz, I really have to stay away from him
Like EVER
Then suddenly Tony and Boon Sheng said something which pretty much irritating
"Well, don't worry, you currently have someone bigger to protect you"
Then I was like, WHAT?
Then they said, "your Mr.P"
Then I was like, FUCK IT
I forgotten Tony and Karen seen us that day
Great, they thought we were couple
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK !
Why this thing have to happen to me
I straight turned quiet like on the spot
I really don't want to hear all things stuff
I really don't want

And then we planned to sing at i-Tango
But they didn't do booking and no more room left
And we ended up at Dataran Pahlawan playing  pool
And seriously, I thought Karen was coming
But it ends up Tony fetched her back home before DP
I'm the only girl left there
I was like, WOW, why?
It would be nicer if I just go back home actually
Let the guys have fun without me

Well, when it near DP
My heart stopped
I'm afraid
But I guess, I just have to be strong
And I seriously don't know how to play pool
So, it's pretty much boring
Since it was really guys game
They were good
And they were actually tolerating with me
So I guess they were bored as well

Jong Seng came late half drunk from the wedding dinner
But he is good, same as Jian Cheng
They were, well, GOOD
And really, the whole place I'm the only girl
I was like, WEIRD
After playing, I was like seriously tired
It was around 1.30am++
I mean I really haven't been so late outside

They ended up in Mamak stall chatting until 2 something
Well, it was nice to catch up with them
Regarding internship and stuff
Pretty much funny
But seriously, I was so damn fucking tired
If possible, I would just want to go home and sleep
But I'm with people
We were car pooling
So, it was really bad to say that
So, I ended up trying to stay awake

On the car, I'm ruined
I'm so tired and I just fell asleep
Like deep and sound sleep

After I reached home
I was so, well, uneasy
I talked to James, he gave me some suggestions
Which pretty much impossible for me to do it actually
I called Jack, he was sleeping I think
I called Justin, he didn't answer
I called Juin How and he didn't answer either

But at the end Juin How called me
And I think he was pretty much "angry" when I reached home at the same time he did
I mean it was nearly 3am in the morning
I told him what happen
And what so bothering me and stuff
He tried to comfort me and tell me what to do

Seriously, he said the truth
And truth doesn't really nice to be heard
And he actually ordered me to delete all the stuff
Asking me not to put any HOPE
I mean like ever
He doesn't want him to stay in my heart anymore
Like ever
Cause he said, no point making yourself like this
If nobody wants you, so be it
Be strong, leave him and move on
He can do it, so do you

Yeah, I think it's true but it's not easy
And he said that he is my weak spot
Like my vulnerable spot
I talk about him like unintentionally
Which pretty much bothering him I think

And he said that, I'm naive and simple
I got trusted easily
And therefore, easy to be hurt by people
I have to be strong
So that I won't be vulnerable
We were chatting whole night cause I think he felt that I'm pretty much upset with what happen last night
He tried to accompany me but I think he is ruined up for accompany a girl driving the whole Penang Island
So I urge him to sleep

Then I realized Justin called for like few times
Worrying about me
Sorry about that
I called back and he was sleeping
I slept around like very late
and seriously
I really wish that bad things don't happen to me anymore