02.06.2013

Very tired whole day as I wasn't sleep well the night before
I cried again yesterday
I know I shouldn't
But happen with something like that
I guess I can be unhappy

Jack drop-by to see me yesterday morning
Talked a lot to me
He wondered since when I become so stupid
Is it because of my lost of self-awareness, self-esteem and self-confidence
He said my self-confidence had dropped to zero or worst, negative
I am not sure why I become like this
Literally, I don't want to guess anymore
To guess about everything
I wanted to know it black and white, fair and square
I'm afraid that I will be making the same mistakes by guessing someone's wrong intention

Went to UTC to pay the stupid streamyx with James yesterday
They were having lunch hour that time
And we had waited for like couple hours
We were very desperate as there are no internet connection at home
It's pretty much boring actually

Then I sent a message to Kah Hoe asking what he did to me the night before while I sleep on his car
At first, he did not say anything about the kiss
He was saying about how sweet I slept and stuff
Honestly, it was bullshit
Then I asked him about the kisses
He said he was sorry
I really felt that guys are.. no comment
Nobody will kiss his own sister
If he treating me like sister and I happen to sleep on his car
You don't kiss them
I mean, COME ON! Hold yourself a little bit
Jezzz, if you really got horny, go back home and see some porn
You are so taking granted of me
Yeah, maybe I am a bit upset with Wee Pang
So what?
I felt unhappy with Jack break up
So what?
I felt lonely and superly unhappy
SO WHAT?
It doesn't make me desperate to get a guy
I mean I am not that kind of girl that let people touch me
FUCK YOU
Worst, you kissed me on my lips
MOTHER FUCKER!
I've trusted you and you just betray them just like that

Justin, Jack and James was right
Maybe I'm naive
Maybe I am too trustful with people
Wee Pang is one case and get myself wounded like BADLY
Now Kah Hoe
I mean like, did GOD want me to learn this lesson?
So keep giving me all these kind of matters in my life
I mean already how many times things like this happen on me?

Everyone is seriously asking me get over it and move on
I mean like seriously, didn't you see me trying?
I tried, I mean like trying pretty hard
And why you guys saying as if I never try?
I've settled down my thoughts on locking him up like FOREVER
Burning down all the hopes and wishes
Try to think nothing
But sometime, when I saw things
I just can't help
PLEASE, don't ever say that I didn't try
I am trying for god sake

When you guys break up or stuff
You get drunk like for months and I was there
And it was only the 2nd month of my break up
And like only couple weeks after WP
I think I'm doing pretty good
At least I'm trying
You might be easy to say "let go", "don't think", "grow up"
But when you want to do, it's not that easy
As for WP, I don't care how fast he forgot me and stuff
He is Scorpio for GOD SAKE
I don't blame him
But James warn me about him
Stay away from him
That's why he forced me to delete everything about me
Like FORCE
Well, I know it's true that if I don't delete everything
I might ended up finding him again
And this time everyone is going to be like seriously fucked up
And he will be like pretty much frustrating me

And seriously things was pretty boring the whole day
I wasn't in mood on writing report
So I was watching drama
I was thinking, I miss tennis and swimming
But. it's not easy to get back the attention back